she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The uberlube is also flammable
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
