It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
