Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
