apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
