Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
