dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
tell your sister to shave her snatch
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
When did angry sex become our thing?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize