I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
