Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
