Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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