wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I AM VODKA MAN
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
