Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
