I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
