He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
