I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
