What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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