you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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