I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
