Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
