New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
