wat bout pragnant strippers??
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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