u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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