you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize