i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
