My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
