There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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