oh god the rape fog is back!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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