Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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