And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
