Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
