Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
my liver is dry heaving
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
