Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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