I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
