Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
