Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
