I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
