I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
