im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Everything about him screamed your future.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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