I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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