and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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