so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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