i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
