I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
