I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
