he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
