there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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