if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
