He called his prostate his "boner button".
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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