If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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