Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
