Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
