And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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