I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize