I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
