i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
pray to the hookup gods
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
