Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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