this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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