first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
