I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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