it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just come out here and I will go home with you...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
