This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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