why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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