K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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